Ok lads, here are some pointers and general feedback from me on your video feel free to disagree with anything I write, just remember you need proof from existing texts to do anything.
1. I'd probably introduce the two main artists sooner, at the minute we see Alex before them. Also consider some onscreen text like you get on MTV in order to introduce the song and artist. 2. In terms of establishing the isolation of your characters in the narrative I don't feel that part of your narrative works. I know your song is American but it is worth watching Dry Your Eyes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHOf3s70w-c
Look how the director creates the sense of loneliness and isolation by using a mixture of wide angle and close up shots of empty spaces featuring just the artist. You're trying something incredibly difficult which is to create loneliness in a crowded space and it hasn't worked. I know you've amplified the lyrics of lined up in rows, Alex relaxing outside the auditorium, don't you wanna know me with bill as the vagrant but I think that is at the expense of the songs tone. 3. The vast majority of the shots of your two artists are excellent. The framing is tight and the lip syncing is mostly correct. Do be careful not to crop off the singers mouth however. 4. For 'people in a show' at 35/36 why not use the exterior of the Auditorium then rather than at 57 seconds (I know that would ruin the scene of Alex relaxing but it makes greater visual sense) 5. In this latter stage of the video your shots aren't tight enough on the singers face, this is a shame as he looks ideal for the role, take advantage of that and use more close ups. 6. I'd remove Bill from the narrative, you'd be amazed at how many music videos the exam board see featuring the homeless and how much they don't like it. 7. The revolving shots are brilliant, could this be incorporated a bit more in order to show the loneliness of Alex and Emily (it could just as equally look rubbish, I don't know but it's worth thinking about). 8. 156-236 doesn't really work. Too many new angles and dead shots used which give a flat feel. 9. 236-256 Use more of the rapper. He does a very convincing job and deserves more screen time. The montage idea is nice but don't use that at the expense of him. 10. Avoid the interior shots of you all laughing and messing around like the plague. Ruins the tone you're trying to create. I know you gone for an uplifting finale and the sense that you've all come together despite the city but (through no fault of your own) it shows your youthfulness and that destroys the idea that you all work and survive in the city. 11. Try and find bleaker parts of the city centre. Currently it is a bit too leafy.
I know all these comments seem a bit harsh but your editing is good, and your framing is good. Now you need to get some mise en scene and narrative to match.
I agree with mr Smith's comments; I did feel that overall, you have done a cracking job. I like the urban shots and particularly the shots around The Auditorium and Mr White T-Shirt's lyrics with the bars behind him- good mise-en-scene. I think the narrative is weak with the 4 characters being separated - I do understand what you were trying to do but it needs to be cleare that you have had good times and now are separate. I didn't understand the hand-bag bit at 0.45 - it woould have been better for the old friend to knock it over and not recognise her than how you have got it? Too much car-park footage, I felt- I know loneliness was the theme but perhaps go for some night-time shots of the city to show it coming to a close. rather than jolly footgae of times past, as Mr Smith says.
Overall, well done indeed and good timing keeping and team-work.
Well done for getting this done Lads. Mrs Abrahamson and I will try and get you some feedback asap.
ReplyDeleteOk lads, here are some pointers and general feedback from me on your video feel free to disagree with anything I write, just remember you need proof from existing texts to do anything.
ReplyDelete1. I'd probably introduce the two main artists sooner, at the minute we see Alex before them. Also consider some onscreen text like you get on MTV in order to introduce the song and artist.
2. In terms of establishing the isolation of your characters in the narrative I don't feel that part of your narrative works. I know your song is American but it is worth watching Dry Your Eyes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHOf3s70w-c
Look how the director creates the sense of loneliness and isolation by using a mixture of wide angle and close up shots of empty spaces featuring just the artist. You're trying something incredibly difficult which is to create loneliness in a crowded space and it hasn't worked. I know you've amplified the lyrics of lined up in rows, Alex relaxing outside the auditorium, don't you wanna know me with bill as the vagrant but I think that is at the expense of the songs tone.
3. The vast majority of the shots of your two artists are excellent. The framing is tight and the lip syncing is mostly correct. Do be careful not to crop off the singers mouth however.
4. For 'people in a show' at 35/36 why not use the exterior of the Auditorium then rather than at 57 seconds (I know that would ruin the scene of Alex relaxing but it makes greater visual sense)
5. In this latter stage of the video your shots aren't tight enough on the singers face, this is a shame as he looks ideal for the role, take advantage of that and use more close ups.
6. I'd remove Bill from the narrative, you'd be amazed at how many music videos the exam board see featuring the homeless and how much they don't like it.
7. The revolving shots are brilliant, could this be incorporated a bit more in order to show the loneliness of Alex and Emily (it could just as equally look rubbish, I don't know but it's worth thinking about).
8. 156-236 doesn't really work. Too many new angles and dead shots used which give a flat feel.
9. 236-256 Use more of the rapper. He does a very convincing job and deserves more screen time. The montage idea is nice but don't use that at the expense of him.
10. Avoid the interior shots of you all laughing and messing around like the plague. Ruins the tone you're trying to create. I know you gone for an uplifting finale and the sense that you've all come together despite the city but (through no fault of your own) it shows your youthfulness and that destroys the idea that you all work and survive in the city.
11. Try and find bleaker parts of the city centre. Currently it is a bit too leafy.
I know all these comments seem a bit harsh but your editing is good, and your framing is good. Now you need to get some mise en scene and narrative to match.
Hi boys,
ReplyDeleteI agree with mr Smith's comments; I did feel that overall, you have done a cracking job. I like the urban shots and particularly the shots around The Auditorium and Mr White T-Shirt's lyrics with the bars behind him- good mise-en-scene.
I think the narrative is weak with the 4 characters being separated - I do understand what you were trying to do but it needs to be cleare that you have had good times and now are separate. I didn't understand the hand-bag bit at 0.45 - it woould have been better for the old friend to knock it over and not recognise her than how you have got it?
Too much car-park footage, I felt- I know loneliness was the theme but perhaps go for some night-time shots of the city to show it coming to a close. rather than jolly footgae of times past, as Mr Smith says.
Overall, well done indeed and good timing keeping and team-work.